JULIETTE
I think that your paper is good. As I read i could see that your ideas got bigger as the paper went on. I think that in your paragraph about emptiness you should ad someone else idea of emptiness and compare that to what you are saying to help you build your ideas. You can even write how would that affect your life if you was taken from your mom after you born. Also in your intro you should add more about your main ideas so that people have a little idea if what your paper is about. Your should maybe talk about how cool affects your life and how that made you wonder if it affects everyone one else the same way it has on you.

Jin
Thanks for the comment. I think that your paper is going to be good. I feel that at the end after you talk aBOUT Mr. Fanning you should bring it back to what this means to you. How does this things change or not change your ideas from before. Also you may be able to add how emptiness connects to that